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7 Stages of Relating to Self and Others: Individual Lessons In understanding the 7 Stages described below, it becomes clear that most people have spent their "romantic" life in a seemingly endless cycle of acting out Stages 1 and 2 by going through Stage 3, then 4, then 5, then 3, then 4, then 5, then 3, etc. Stage 6 is common when breaking away from the 3, 4, 5 coupling and de-coupling cycle. Stage 7 is the ultimate goal of the spirit and the path to peace.
Global Lessons The 3, 4, 5 cycle is played out on a global level in the form of the financial and military conquering of other countries, followed by division within countries and/or civil war, followed by the envy of what others have...and further attempts at conquering. World peace may be achieved by practicing Stage 7 (appreciating uniqueness, diversity, and individuality without forming "superior" alliances or conquering "inferior" countries).
7 Stages of Relating to Self and Others Stage 1 - The Child's Distorted Perception of Self #1 - #1 (parents) The child sees his/herself as secondary/inferior due to being unable to care for her/himself and witnessing parents/caregivers as being competent and powerful.
Stage 2 - Desire to Become # 1 (The Oedipal/Elektra Complex) ("good parent") #1
//fantasy of broken bond// #1 --> #2 ("bad parent") The child fantasizes of becoming elevated to #1 status by way of one of the parents becoming #2. The child fantasizes of one of the parents being diminished in importance by the other, or leaving due to divorce or death.
Stage 3 - Adult Coupling (Couple-Centered View of Reality) #2
#2 #2 #2 #2 #2 Members of a couple delude themselves into believing that they are important because they are "special" and others are relatively inferior ("not special"). It is a fragile bond that is often initiated and perpetuated by socialization, financial dependence, and/or unconscious "acting out" of childhood experiences.
Stage 4 - Decoupling (newly single) #1 // broken bond// #1 --> #2 (ex) Upon realization that one's partner does not give one happiness (this realization is often delayed by a "love of familiar tension and drama") the newly single person sees the "ex" as inferior, and no longer a valid source of information about who one is.
Stage 5 - Single Person's Distorted Perception of Self #1 - #1
#1 - #1 #1 - #1 #1 - #1 #1 - #1 #1 - #1 The single person is described as "single" in relation to the "couple" which is assumed to be the source of happiness/wholeness. The single person feels inferior and incomplete. Although coupling didn't produce wholeness in the past, the individual deludes her/himself into believing it's a matter of "choosing the right person" instead of questioning the system society has presented as the only valid option.
Stage 6 - Egocentric Individualistic Superiority #2 - #2
#2 - #2 #2 - #2 #2 - #2 #2 - #2 #2 - #2 After questioning the traditional coupling process and realizing that it is not the path to peace, the individual feels superior to members of couples. Instead of simply recognizing that the system of coupling is an ineffective source of peace, the individuals in couples are seen as inferior. The individual "bolsters" their newly discovered individuality by criticizing members of couples though still giving credence to the concept of coupling by believing it is "real" and putting energy towards it.
Stage 7 - The Truth of Spirit (Equality Without Superiority) #1
#1 #1
#1 #1
#1 #1
#1 #1
#1 #1 #1 #1 #1 #1 #1 #1 #1 #1 #1 #1 #1 After recognizing that "coupling" is nothing more than a concept, and that all that is real is the individual wholeness of all people, one sees the completeness of each person. People are no longer viewed as "half of a couple" regardless of how they perceive themselves. They are seen as whole individuals. When all are seen as equal, they can all be seen as #1 and there is no longer a need for a #2. The ranking of #1 now simply reflects that you are the best person you can be at this moment, and you are whole whether you realize it or not. |
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